Embracing Mortality: The Strange Gift of Caregiving

For many of us, death has often been a distant and abstract concept—something that happens to other people, at other times, in other places. Our modern world, with its focus on youth and vitality, often pushes the reality of death to the margins of our consciousness. However, when we step into the role of caregivers for seniors and the terminally ill, we can no longer afford the luxury of denial. The presence of death becomes a daily reality, forcing us to confront our own mortality and that of those around us.

This confrontation with mortality offers us a choice: we can succumb to morbidity and depression, or we can choose a path of acceptance and growth. We can make friends with death.

(Note: About Us, a reference bibliography, related books and videos are all found at the end of this article.)

Making Friends with Death

Caregiving places us in a unique position to transform our relationship with death. Instead of seeing it as a grim reaper lurking in the shadows, we can more readily and comfortably view it as a natural part of life’s cycle. This perspective shift does not cast a dark cloud over our lives but liberates us. It frees us to appreciate the present moment, to cherish our relationships, and to live more fully.

Gratitude for Each Day

When we acknowledge the inevitability of death, we start to see each day as a precious gift. The mundane becomes extraordinary. Daily life’s small joys and simple pleasures take on a new significance. We become more attuned to the beauty around us and more grateful for the time we have.

Living in the Moment

By accepting that we have limited control over when and how death will come, we can let go of the anxiety and fear that often accompany thoughts of the future. This acceptance allows us to live more fully in the present moment. We can focus on what truly matters—our experiences, our relationships, and the positive impact we can have on those around us.

Improving the World Around Us

When mindful of our mortality, we are often motivated to make the world a better place, even in small ways. Acts of kindness, compassion, and empathy become more meaningful. We recognize that our actions, however small, can create ripples of positivity that extend far beyond our immediate surroundings.

The Gift of Caregiving

With all its challenges and emotional burdens, caregiving offers us a strange and profound gift. It forces us to confront death and, in doing so, provides an opportunity for personal growth and transformation. We learn to appreciate life more deeply, to live more mindfully, and to contribute to the well-being of those around us.

In the end, caregiving teaches us that death is not something to be feared or denied but a reality to be embraced. By making friends with death, we can live more fully, love more deeply, and leave the world a little better than we found it. This is the true gift of caregiving—the gift of a life well-lived in the presence of death.

In Closing

This perspective comes from my own experience with long-term caregiving and the recent passing of my wife; as they say in some online circles, “your mileage may vary.” These past years of caregiving have been incredibly long and hard. I’m not trying to “make a silk purse from a sow’s ear.” But through it all, I genuinely believe I have emerged from this 13-year journey as a far better man, father, husband, friend, boss, neighbor, and community member. More importantly, I’ve become someone I am even happier to live with 24/7.

I hope you will take this article in the spirit it is offered, as a reflection on the transformative power of caregiving and an invitation to see death not as an end, but as a part of the journey that makes life more precious.

All text © 2024 James M. Sims and all images exclusive rights belong to James M. Sims and Midjourney or DALL-E, unless otherwise noted.

Reference Bibliography

Related Cielito Lindo Articles

Sims, J. M. (2024, June 21. End of Life Care: Understanding the Roles of Hospice, ICU, Palliative Care, and Death Doulas. Cielito Lindo Senior Living. Retrieved from https://cielitolindoseniorliving.com/end-of-life-care-understanding-the-roles-of-hospice-icu-palliative-care-and-death-doulas/

Sims, J. M. (2023, July 9). Death with Dignity. Cielito Lindo Senior Living. Retrieved from https://cielitolindoseniorliving.com/death-with-dignity/

Sims, J. M. (2024, May 27). Essential Guide to Handling a U.S. Citizen’s Death in Mexico. Cielito Lindo Senior Living. Retrieved from https://cielitolindoseniorliving.com/essential-guide-to-handling-a-u-s-citizens-death-in-mexico/

Sims, J. M. (2023, June 18). Understanding the Five Stages of Actively Dying and the Role of Palliative Care. Cielito Lindo Senior Living. Retrieved from https://cielitolindoseniorliving.com/understanding-the-five-stages-of-actively-dying-and-the-role-of-palliative-care/

Articles and Guides

Kubler-Ross, E., & Kessler, D. (2014). On Grief and Grieving: Finding the Meaning of Grief Through the Five Stages of Loss. Scribner.

Nhat Hanh, T. (2002). No Death, No Fear: Comforting Wisdom for Life. Riverhead Books.

Pausch, R. (2008). The Last Lecture. Hyperion.

Rinpoche, S. (2002). The Tibetan Book of Living and Dying: The Spiritual Classic & International Bestseller: 25th Anniversary Edition. HarperSanFrancisco.

Websites

American Psychological Association. (n.d.). Grief: Coping with the loss of your loved one. Retrieved from https://www.apa.org/topics/grief

National Institute on Aging. (n.d.). End of life: Helping with comfort and care. Retrieved from https://www.nia.nih.gov/health/end-of-life

Research Papers

Bennett, M., & Bennett, G. (2001). The presence of the dead: An empirical study. Mortality, 6(2), 139-157. doi:10.1080/13576270120051875. Retrieved from https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/abs/10.1080/13576270120051875

Kellehear, A. (2009). Dying as a social relationship: A sociological review of debates on the determination of death. Social Science & Medicine, 69(5), 728-734. doi:10.1016/j.socscimed.2009.05.022. Retrieved from https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S0277953609003370

Books

Byock, I. (2012). The Best Care Possible: A Physician’s Quest to Transform Care Through the End of Life. Avery. ISBN: 978-1583334590

Frankl, V. E. (2006). Man’s Search for Meaning. Beacon Press. ISBN: 978-0807014271

Gawande, A. (2014). Being Mortal: Medicine and What Matters in the End. Metropolitan Books. ISBN: 978-0805095159

Additional Resources 

Video: Growing Together: Transformation to Caregiver 

Video: After Caregiving: Julie’s Story

Video: After Caregiving: Katherine’s Story (3/8)

Book Review: The Fourth Quarter of Your Life: Embracing What Matters Most

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