Coping as a Caregiver

‘Me Time’ Is a ‘Must Have’

That’s why it’s important for caregivers to set up regular ‘me’ time’. You need to make sure you are not socially isolated, and your days consist of just more than just caregiving. One of the great aspects of the caregiving burden that leads to depression isn’t from the hours spent giving care, but that the caregiver feels deprived of their own time – their own self even. You really need to take time for yourself, whether it’s going for a walk or enjoying a nice dinner out sometime.”

It is easy to slowly become more and more consumed with caregiving, physically and emotionally, in increments over time so that you may not even realize how much you have given up of yourself.  You end up putting your health, wellbeing, job, and even your survival at risk without realizing just how far you have gone.  You need to allow yourself to seek help and to take time to take care of yourself.  Easy said than done, but you will actually fill your role as a caregiver, better, if you can sustain more of a balance including your mental and physical health, and also not risking losing your job (income and health insurance would then be lost).

Here are some action items to consider, and though this is a relatively simple list, it is amazing how many caregivers become so consumed that they don’t ever even think of these basic steps for survival.

• Nurture a network – Many caregivers feel it’s their responsibility to offer care and hesitate to seek help elsewhere. What some counselors do on a clinical basis is have caregivers write down the names of all the people that could be in their network; not just family members, but also friends, neighbors, or if they’re involved in a faith community, consider members of their church, who can be a strong part of your network. This helps them remember and embrace the fact that they do have a network.
• Assign tasks – Understand that different people can perform different roles; some people are more prone to be good listeners; others are doers, while others are good for helping you with rest and relaxation. Even when caregivers have a big network of support, the common problem is that they don’t use it well. When you make your list, you should assign tasks to different people: Some are Ls (listeners), Ds (doers), or Rs (relaxers).”
• Get help with housework – You would think that emotional dependency is the biggest factor of a caregiver’s complicated grief, but studies indicate that when a caregiver has been dependent on their ailing spouse for household chores, that can have an even bigger impact. In other words, try to get help with routine chores such as laundry, cleaning, and shopping. It is more than enough to take on the caregiver role; it is overwhelming to take on your spouse’s workload too.
• Mind your own health – Since they are preoccupied with a loved one’s illness, caregivers often turn a blind eye to their own health. The risk of hospitalization of a caregiver is greatest in the months following the death,” so when the patient is falling, and especially afterward, you need to be especially mindful of your eating, sleeping, and exercise habits. This is where ‘me’ time becomes especially important.
• Consider respite care – The Alzheimer’s Association and similar advocacy groups often offer respite care — in essence, adult daycare for afflicted patients that allow caregivers time for themselves. One of the best things you can do is contact your local chapter or a VA hospital to see what’s available in your area – There is help out there. 

You can find ways and resources to help keep you healthy, whole, and less prone to profound grief and depression – read books on this subject, go to support groups, research on the internet, purge the pain and frustration by sharing with a confidant.

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